Diwali, Coonoor and BSNL make my day!

25/10/2011

It feels good to be back at home after a seven month gap. Seven months is well short of a million years, but at the same time it’s long enough to make you yearn for all things “local”. It’s only natural for anyone from any corner of the world to feel at home, only at home. It wouldn’t make sense otherwise. It’s like the TV people advertising HD/3D television as an experience that is almost like being at the actual venue. Yes, it’s almost LIKE it, but it’s not it. 

After a couple of days in Bengaluru – the latest in the list of awkward sounding Indian cities – I arrived in Coonoor, where my folks had no idea I would turn up. My father was a bit shocked. He didn’t speak for a few seconds; he looked like a subdued Man City fan just after the 6-1 win over United – stunned, but in a good way.  Being a Gooner, I just had to squeeze this into my blog considering I've been on the receiving end of those 8-2 jokes for 4-3 weeks now, so if you didn't like it or you think its not funny which isn't my intention in any case,  well...  move on. Anyway, it was nice to give everyone a surprise and luckily so far every single response I've got has been quite positive. In other words, no one has been left paralysed by news of my arrival. The only negative response has been from my stomach – surprising – which hasn’t warmed to the occasion. The less said on this topic, the better… no really… you don’t want to know. 

26/10/2011

The internet at home is down while I type this. Devastated is not the most apt word to express how I feel without it, but I think you get what I mean. Not knowing what happened in the latest round of Carling cup games last night is a big enough disaster, but that’s only a starting point. Other crucial things I’m missing include checking @mentions on Twitter, marking the usual quota of at least 3 emails on my Gmail account as Spam, blocking updates from a few souls on Facebook, using the comments section on The Guardian’s anti-Arsenal blogs (I read them to convince myself that the media is baying for Wenger’s blood – it’s true you know) to praise (read as defend) our self-sustaining business model (which is becoming quite tedious), checking out music on Grooveshark and of course engaging in football chat that makes no difference to the world of football with a few friends on a private group on Facebook called “The Beautiful Game”. The mod who christened it is an Arsenal fan, so the name is no surprise. Isn’t that how football should be played? Hmm … discussion for another day. 

Back to my internet woes and I dial the BSNL “helpline” number to find out what’s causing the internet to be down. Considering it’s Diwali and that BSNL is one of the many synonyms for "Indian Government", I’m hardly expecting anyone to answer the call but to my pleasant surprise a guy picks up the phone. The relief in my head is soon replaced by irritation and anger as a result of the operator’s superlatively unhelpful tone. 

Me: “Hello… BSNL Dataone?”

Operator: Hello.. …. Enna pa.. enna prachana? (“What’s the problem” but sounded more like “Why do you have to call this early in the morning?”)

Me: “Nethu lendhu internet down anna… (The internet’s been down since yesterday)”

Operator: Appadiya.. phone number kudu.. (“Is it? Give me your phone number.”)

Once I gave him my number,

Operator: Seri… check panraen (Ok, I’ll check)

I was about to ask him if he knew any details, but he’d already slammed the phone down. “Customer is king” is a modern cliché that’s thrashed around often – even when not relevant. Not for BSNL. 

I call again two hours later and I guess no one else called before me because the guy recognizes my voice immediately and seems quite irritated by having to attend as many as two calls in two hours. “Anga ennamo fault Sir. Naaliku thaan varum internet” – (“Some fault in your area. Internet will be back only tomorrow”). Again, the phone hangs up instantly. This time I’m a lot happier. He called me “Sir”, told me there is a fault and also gave me a time frame. What more can a customer expect? If that’s not good customer service, I don’t know what is. 

My father walks into my room half hour later and asks me about the internet. I tell him what happened and he says, “Well, let me just see if it’s come back on”. I just smile as if to say, “It’s BSNL, they said it’ll be back on tomorrow, so I fully expect that it will be back on next week.” He switches on the PC and the next time I look up, he’s got his online mail box opened up. He gives me a smile suggesting he's somehow fixed it and I smile back suggesting it fixed itself. We both know it's bloody boring and in vain to argue about it. We both are men of few words you see, in one word - WISE.

Anyway since the internet is up and running a lot earlier than expected, I have no complaints. I'll head out on to the terrace to get a feel of the Diwali buzz/flavour that doesn’t seem to have been dampened by the continuous drizzle. See you later...